3 Essential Tips for Online Dating Message and Email Writing

Keep it short,

Help her think, and

Walk a mile in her shoes.

I don't usually start off a post with the impact points right at the beginning. But I want to lay these out first -- because they're so vital to solid message writing -- and we'll get into the "whys" and the "hows" in a moment.

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I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first.

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This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. A very well-spoken and clearly an educated guy, he sent me a message detailing a situation with a girl he knew... and boy, was it detailed. I mean, it was long. Really long.

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I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then... I'd get no response.

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There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today. The basic gist of today's post is, basically, that this -- what we're about to talk about -- is how you write online dating messages and emails that don't get ignored... and, in fact, get you exactly what you want: responses, phone numbers, dates, and success.

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TALKING TO STRANGERS IS DIFFERENT

I like to be thorough, and I like to cover all the points. If you've read many articles on this site, I'm sure you already realize this.

Problem is when you're talking to strangers. You know, people who don't know you from Jack -- you may be an exceptional human being, but they just don't know that yet.

So, you write out a really long, thorough, detailed message to someone, and you send it -- and she never writes back. Confused and maybe a little miffed, you write her off as obviously not realizing what an awesome guy you are. Obviously, she ain't that sharp of a gal to pass up a guy like you.

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But it's not her. And it's not you, per se -- it's your message.

One of the basics of investment and the Law of Least Effort is that, the more invested someone becomes in you, the more willing they are to invest more in you.

e.g., it's like saying when you've got $10,000 invested in Stock A, and $0 invested in Stocks B, C, D, and E, you're more likely to put your next $100 into Stock A again because you know it and trust it and that's your routine. When your broker tries to hard sell Stock E at you, you're likely to just tune him out and tell him you want to invest in Stock A again, unless he presents his message exactly right.

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People are like this with all of their investing strategies. They prefer the known over the unknown; they stick with what they're comfortable with.

And when you're a stranger, you're neither known nor comfortable.

Hence, the importance of solid email writing and online dating messages. Without good, solid, effective message writing, you're going to be left out in the cold while people invest in things they already know -- instead of in you.

And make no mistake, time is an investment. And mental footwork is an investment.

When it comes to message construction, these are your primary considerations:

The more time it takes someone to read your message, the more you're asking her to invest.

The more your message makes someone think and rack her brain to respond or figure out what to do next, the more you're asking her to invest.

And if you haven't thoroughly streamlined your message by considering how it's going to affect her, you risk forcing her to invest heavily to overcome prejudices or feelings of offense you've elicited in her by saying something clumsy.

And if you make her work hard, and she isn't already invested in you, she's almost always going to simply not do so -- she just won't be willing to put the work in.

When I got that long email from that reader, I took one look at it, then looked at all the other things I had to do (this was when I was packing up, trying to finish up a number of things on my to-do list, and trying to get set for a 30 hour ride on the Transsiberian Railroad), and figured I'd try and get back to it later.

I didn't end up remembering to respond or having the time to skim it and write a proper response until today -- half a month later. And, try as I do to respond when I can, I probably have other long messages I've gotten that I've simply not had time to respond to when I got them and forgotten to ever go back to.

And women on the Internet aren't running their own websites, their own businesses, or trying to give back. They're just plain old looking for a guy they like. What that means for you is this:

If a girl passes over your message because it's too long, or too hard to figure out, or asks her to do too much mental footwork, she plainly and simply isn't going to circle back to it later.

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